June 29, 2011

The Married Leper

I think the funniest thing about being married isn't how it changed my relationship with my husband. It has been incredibly fun so far, but our dynamic has been relatively the same all along. The funniest thing about being married is how it changed my relationship with everyone else in the world.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel this invisible force field around me a lot of the time. It's like I'm not exciting enough for a single girl to want to befriend me, and, whether I were to complain about married life or brag about it, it wouldn't make a difference in how I'm viewed. I would still be the married woman who has that part of her life figured out already. How boring.

Men don't know what to make of me either. If they're in a relationship, then they have a force field, too. So, while we can bond over the fact that we're both married, that's about as exciting as our conversation gets. If they're single, it feels like they think talking to me is a waste of their time.

I just reread this after saving it as a draft for eight or nine months, and I've decided to post it. Before I thought maybe I shouldn't say all of that stuff, but, months later, most of it still feels true. Except for the girls part maybe because I have made some fun female friends over the last few months in some classes I've been taking. And I've met a lot of cool guys, too, but it's just funny how the dynamic is... well, different, I guess. Although, now that I think about it, it's probably like that when you're single, too. You probably have a bit of a defense up because you either don't want to seem desperate or vulnerable and/or don't want to lead someone on. So, basically, we all have walls up for one reason or another. Bummer.

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